In Pedro's Secret Service
by shortguy91
Summary: Napoleon recieves a job in Pedro's Presidential Cabinet as his Secret Service captain.


In Pedro's Secret Service

Chapter 1: The Super Spy Suit

After Lafawnduh and Kip's wedding, Pedro and Napoleon returned to

School the next week. Pedro was to assume his duties as president. He was going

to appoint the Presidential Cabinet. He felt sorry for Summer Wheatly because

she lost the election to him so he made her treasurer ( even though Napoleon told him not to). The rest of the Cabinet was picked but Pedro had a special position for Napoleon.

" Do you want to be my secret service captain?" Pedro asked him.

" Sweet!" exclaimed Napoleon. " You mean it?"

" Yes."

" That's flippin' awesome!" Napoleon exclaimed jerking his head in emphasis and making his reddish Afro jiggle around. " What are my duties?"

" Well," Pedro began, " you could protect me and… go on secret missions for me to find out what the school is doing wrong… and I want you to protect the other students from bullies I guess."

" This is awesome!" Napoleon opened hi notebook and flipped through pages showing ligers and ancient warriors, wizards and other magical creatures until he came to a page that showed an all black, skintight jumpsuit and several gadgets with their holders as well. "This is the flippin' sweet suit that I designed just for this occasion. Its pretty much the best spy suit ever!"

" Wow," Pedro said with no emotional difference in his voice.

Napoleon went straight home and started to go to work on his spy suit right away. He stole one of his brother's black sweat suits for the basic suit. Next he got two trash can lids, painted them black, and tied them together on the front and back of the sweat suit to use as a breast plate and back plate for protection. Then he got rope and took the top off of a three-pronged garden fork, tied them together and used it as a grappling hook. An ordinary laser pointer was used as blinding device and for a flash grenade he filled three small bags of flour with flour, salt, a lot of pepper, and baking soda and powder. Finally, to attach the gadgets to him, he used his scout camp skills to take a belt, put holes in it, and make special key rings to hold the gadgets on when they were attached to key chains.

The super spy suit was finished and Napoleon stood back to admire his work.

"SWEET!"

Chapter 2: Money Rush

Napoleon was walking to the thrift store to pick up some more weapons when an advertisement flier flew up and smacked him in the face knocking off his glasses. Napoleon himself fell backward hitting his head on a lamppost. He kicked the pole and exclaimed, " IDIOT!"

Napoleon picked up his glasses that were on top of the deadly flier. Then he examined the piece of paper. It read:

Come down to Rex-Qwon-Do classes today!

Now offering a lightning Ninja course that only takes one week to complete.

This course is complete with nun chuck training for an additional $50 and another week of training.

$100 for the original course

$50 extra for nun chuck training

Napoleon ran right by the thrift store and all the way to Pedro's house.

" Pedro!" Napoleon yelled from outside short of breath.

The door opened and Pedro stood in the doorway in a bathrobe and a crucifix necklace around his neck. He wasn't wearing his wig either.

" Yes Napoleon?" asked Pedro.

" I'm gonna get secret flippin' service training at Rex-Qwon-Do's!" Napoleon said.

" That's cool." No emotion in his voice.

" Heck yes it is!" Napoleon said jerking his head in emphasis. " But it costs $150 with nun chuck training.

" Where are you going to get the money?" inquired Pedro.

" Definitely not at that chicken farm," said Napoleon. " Maybe I could sell something."

" What would you sell?"

" Maybe…" napoleon thought, " I could design pictures and sell them to people."

" What would you draw?"

" Ligers and stuff."

" Yes but who would you sell them to?" asked Pedro.

Napoleon pondered that thought for a while just standing there stupidly looking ahead with a blank expression on his face.

" Those guys in the Art club will buy 'em, and those guys in the Preston High Dungeons and Dragons players club like my work," Napoleon said. " I can draw a poster for $5." Then he counted on his fingers for a moment. " That's like 30 posters. I can't do that!"

" You can go work at McBurger's," said Pedro. " They have an opening."

" Okay. Let's go."

" Okay," said Pedro. " I will apply too so I can help you raise the money."

Chapter 3: McBurger's Patty House

" This job is sweet, Pedro!" Napoleon said. " It pays like $8 an hour."

Napoleon and Pedro just needed to work one more day for the last of the money Napoleon needed to take Rex's Ninja course with nun chuck training.

When Napoleon was taking someone's order, Pedro flipped a patty that was on fire in the air and it landed in Napoleon's Afro lighting it up in flames.

" Idiot!" he yelled running around to find something to extinguish the flames. He poured some guy's root beer on his head and sighed, " Ah!"

He, then, went to work at the drive through window.

" Welcome to McBurger's Patty House," he said to the next person at the sign, " may I take your order?"

" Yeah," said a familiar voice. " I'll have a milkshake."

" What flavor?"

" Chocolate."

" Yeah, that's great," said Napoleon. " Pull around to the first window."

The car came around to the window. It was Brad, Summer Wheatly's boyfriend!

" Hey loser," he said trying to be cool. Then he took his shake.

" Your flippin' retarded Brad!" said Napoleon.

Brad threw the contents of the milkshake in Napoleon's face.

Finally, the day was over and they had the money.

Chapter 4: Rex's Two Week Ninja Course

Pedro decided to go home after work while Napoleon went to pay Rex before he trained through the next weeks.

The door to Rex-Qxon-Do's is all clear so Napoleon walked straight into it smacking his nose and lips into it. He went inside with a bloody nose and a busted lip.

" Friggin' idiots made a clear flippin door!" Napoleon angrily yelled at the door.

He found Rex hitting a punching bag.

" Hello," Napoleon blankly stated.

" What!"

" I wanna sign up," Napoleon said showing the $150, " for the course and nun chuck training."

" Okay so you and another kid are in it now."

" Who's the other guy?" Napoleon asked.

" Thomas Chowski," said Rex. " He says some bully named Randall steals his money and his bike, and hurts his neck a lot."

" Yeah, I know him," said Napoleon.

" You start tomorrow."

The week went by smoothly and the following week he and Thomas started nun chuck training. They learned everything like breaking points and lethal killing points, which Rex said he had actually used in the Octagon (Napoleon accidentally knock Thomas out). Napoleon's training was complete and he got to keep the nun chucks.

Chapter 5: Pedro's Secret Assignment

Finally, Napoleon was going to get a secret assignment for Pedro on the first day back to school after his training was completed. Pedro had come to Napoleon to find out what was making the school food taste bad.

" I'm on it!" said Napoleon excitedly.

After school, Napoleon went home, fed Tina, and got the spy suit. He put it on and stood in front of a mirror admiring himself.

" I look sweet!" he said. " It's… incredible… it's awesome!" Then Napoleon ran off with his arms pressed to his sides.

He snuck up at the back door of the school kitchen. He entered to find Randall pouring some powder in some of the food.

" Idiot!" Napoleon yelled.

" Hey loser," said Randall, " get outta here!"

" What are you doing!" screamed Napoleon even louder. " Frickin' Retard!" Then, Napoleon kicked over the batch of tomorrow's now contaminated clam chowder and ran like an idiot when Randall started to chase him. Then Napoleon remembered his laser pointer gadget. He spent a lot of time trying to get it off the stupid key chain but, finally, it was off.

Napoleon stopped, turned around, and aimed the laser at Randall's eyes. Randall couldn't see so he tripped and smashed his face into the trunk of a tree.

" Yes!" said Napoleon putting his arm up and down like "cha-ching!"

But Randall got up and kept on the chase. They ran a ways off and Napoleon threw his homemade flash grenade at Randall. A cloud of white powder (mainly flour) went everywhere blinding Randall after it exploded in his face. Then Napoleon changed course and headed back to the school and up to the roof. There, he threw his grappling hook (garden fork) around the horizontal part of a light pole and swung down to the ground where he face planted and rolled about ten feet. But Randall was still on the roof and Napoleon was on the ground victorious and safe.

" Yes!"

Chapter 6: Plan Exposed

" Hey," Napoleon said the next day at lunchtime setting down his tray next to Pedro.

" Hello," said Pedro. " The food tastes better, what did you do?"

" I caught Randall pouring this white powdery crap in the food," said Napoleon triumphantly, " but I still don't know what the heck it was."

Pedro shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating.

" Hey wait a sec.," Napoleon remembered. " I saw Randall drop the flippin' bottle!"

Napoleon jumped out of his seat and started for the kitchen of the cafeteria but Summer Wheatly's boyfriend, Brad, tripped him. His glasses flew off into the kitchen and his food and tray flew out of his hands and hit a laughing Trisha, the girl whom he took to the dance and deserted him there by himself. " Sorry," he said. Then he ran off. He went into the kitchen to find his glasses. He found them under a table next to a bottle marked 'foot powder'. Then Napoleon took the bottle out to Pedro. " Why would he do it though?" Napoleon asked.

" You could ask him," said Pedro, " he's right behind you."

" Oh," said Napoleon.

Randall grabbed Napoleon by the collar of his ' Endurance' shirt and dragged him of into a dimly lit janitorial closet…

Chapter 7: Justice

" I did it," said Randall, " because Thomas beat me up with nun chucks!"

" Okay," Napoleon said. " But what in the name of ligers does that have to do with you stinkin' up the flippin' food!"

" Not all the food, idiot!" said Randall. " Just the crap Thomas likes!"

" That's the crappiest plan I've ever heard."

Napoleon looked around at the door. " You retard!" Then Napoleon pulled out a concealed tape recorder that contained the entire confession.

Just then, Randall tried to hit Napoleon but he blocked it with his lightning fast ninja reflexes. Napoleon sent his fist flying at Randall's face and it hit smashing him through the door behind him into the cafeteria. They fought running outside, through a paintball course where they both got hammered with paintballs, and back to school where the final blow, an nun chuck strike to Randall's head from Napoleon, was delivered. Randall finally gave up.

Napoleon went to the Principal and gave him Randall's confession tape recording. Randall was suspended and the world (or at least Preston High in Idaho) was safe once again because of Napoleon Dynamite's efforts In Pedro's Secret Service.


End file.
